Defiance not compliance

“To be told ‘institutions will be institutions’ is to be told who they will and will not love, who they will and will not protect. Institutional fatalism sometimes combines with gender fatalism, ‘boys will be boys.’” Sara Ahmed with a great counter to the despair we often (rightly!) feel about whether or not it’s worth it to stand up to an institution when it fails you. When I talk to people about that despair, about the near certainty that pushing back may go nowhere, I am also wont to point out that one big reason for standing up isn’t merely to make change, but also to respect your own integrity. Acquiescing to harm doesn’t merely let the person or institution who does the harm off the hook; it also diminishes your spirit, it breaks your heart. Ahmed goes on to say that, “The word ‘obedience’ derives from ear, to obey is to give your ear to law or to the tyrant who suspends the law, replacing it with his own will. A feminist ear might be how we hear the instructions by refusing to follow them; hearing with defiance not compliance.” Defiance not compliance is the power of the moment, the awareness of your own agency and truth, the refusal to do what you’re told. To keep your heart and spirit whole; to know that fatalism is, and always has been, a lie.