Being bad

“Why did Caroline Ellison do it?” asks Liz Lopatto in The Verge. What I find interesting about her answer is the connection to Ellison’s desire to please the people around her. I often talk to people (mostly but not always women or femme folks) who recognize those people-pleasing behaviors in themselves—and who wrestle with when and how to interrupt them, whether or not its worth it. There’s a kind of double vision to this awareness: knowing that you’ve been trained or conditioned to these behaviors and that they reduce your own agency; knowing, also, that relinquishing them can expose you to harm. It can feel like a game in which the house always wins. Ellison’s situation is extreme enough that I’m not wont to generalize, but I do agree with Lopatto’s conclusion: “If this is where being a good girl gets you, I recommend being bad.”